Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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