It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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