He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
