Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.

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(513): View more from Ohio

They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.

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(631): View more from New York

Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?

(516): View more from New York

lol... you weighed it?

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(519): View more from Ontario

After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.

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(773): View more from Illinois

I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.

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(903): View more from Texas

I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.

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(703): View more from Virginia

She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.

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(801): View more from Utah

She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.

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