Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
