wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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