you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I wish there were birth control emojis
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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