she was so not down for the gang bang
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
