he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
