my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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