I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
