I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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