you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
