She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
