Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
