I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
