Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
