I have demons in me.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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