What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
