Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
North Korea, Best Korea!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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