More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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