i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
