You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
