May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
