mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
