Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
