I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
