remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
