Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
