..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Someone signed my nipple.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
