when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
