we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I will pee on everything he values.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
