dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
