I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I need a beard to bite.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
