Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
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