i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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