you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
