I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
