my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
