There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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