Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
