We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just threw up on my dentist
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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