Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
