I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
