Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
