It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
