And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
