return my video game
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
