woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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