Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
